I always struggled with the feeling of not being good enough. I would often put myself down or hide behind a false sense of humility, which often masked itself as insecurity. For years, I wouldn’t allow myself to get too comfortable. Any professional successes I had were barely celebrated because I didn’t want to allow myself to become prideful.
I had no problem celebrating others, but struggled to celebrate myself.
As a worship leader, I took the same approach. It was easy for me, because as a worship leader, my goal is to point people to God during the church's time of worship. I had no problem getting up and off the platform and barely taking the time to celebrate and/or appreciate the musical gifts executed on a Sunday morning.
I would approach things this way, thinking that this is how a Jesus follower ought to be: loving, meek, humble, sacrificial, gentle, non-boastful, etc. I would look for ways to justify this by telling myself that pride comes before a fall (Proverbs 16:18). While this proverb is very true, it took me a long time to realize that I was implementing it in my life inaccurately. It was in my quiet time with God that I had the revelation that
It's okay to look back and appreciate each accomplishment.
When you look at the creation story in the book of Genesis, you see that God took the time to look at and appreciate his handiwork. He did this for six days straight and then rested on the seventh day. Additionally, My Pastor, Hurmon Hamilton, reminded me that
I can be confident without being arrogant or prideful.
While I understand this today I still fight internally with myself about taking the time to celebrate myself. Watching others get humbled and watching their fall was more traumatic for me than I initially thought. I believe this is also why Pastor Hurmon takes the time to encourage me and celebrate me, even when I don’t think to do so.
In my case, I’ve been blessed to have some pretty incredible accomplishments. From working on songs that have been used on major films, to working on songs for major artists, to most recently winning 2 Grammys for my contribution to the Beyoncé, Cowboy Carter Album. In a lot of ways, I’m being forced to celebrate these accomplishments, acknowledging that I don't achieve any of it without God, while still taking the time to appreciate the years of hard work, as well as the God-given creativity being expressed in me. I stay humble today by reminding myself that I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength. I’m humbled by the fact that all my gifts and abilities come from God, and I rest in that, while also taking time to appreciate it and what may come from it as well. Everything I have and everything I am is only because of God.
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