“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed.”
— Psalms 34:18, NLT
Coping With Grief
Have you recently lost a loved one? Perhaps you’ve lost a job, a relationship, or something else important in your life. Whatever type of loss you’ve suffered, there’s no right or wrong way to grieve. but by understanding the stages of grief, you can find help to cope. Here are some resources to help you through your grieving process.
The 5 Stages of Grief
Please note that the stages below are by no means linear as people grieve differently. They are merely a reflective framework for grief that may be helpful in your grieving process.
Denial
Anger
Bargaining (guilt and shame are often tied to the bargaining stage—I should have done more, if only I had done x, if I had noticed x, it's my fault they're gone, etc.)
Depression
Acceptance
Finding Meaning (a 6th stage has been added (see book below).
Grief During a Pandemic
Even if you have not experienced literal loss, there has been loss all around us. Shifting into a new season mid/post-pandemic, grief can continue and the stages may manifest themselves in various ways.
Watch these encouraging messages by Pastor Hurmon on coping with grief and the shame often associated with grief.
Myths and Facts About Grief and Grieving
Myth: The pain will go away faster if you ignore it
Fact: Trying to ignore your pain or keep it from surfacing will only make it worse in the long run. For real healing, it is necessary to face your grief and actively deal with it.
Myth: It’s important to “be strong” in the face of loss.
Fact: Feeling sad, frightened, or lonely is a normal reaction to loss. Crying doesn’t mean you are weak. You don’t need to “protect” your family or friends by putting on a brave front. Showing your true feelings can help them and you.
Myth: If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t sorry about the loss.
Fact: Crying is a normal response to sadness, but it’s not the only one. Those who don’t cry may feel the pain just as deeply as others. They may simply have other ways of showing it.
Myth: Grieving should last about a year.
Fact: There is no specific time frame for grieving. How long it takes differs from person to person.
Myth: Moving on with your life means forgetting about your loss.
Fact: Moving on means you’ve accepted your loss—but that’s not the same as forgetting. You can move on with your life and keep the memory of someone or something you lost as an important part of you. In fact, as we move through life, these memories can become more and more integral to defining the people we are.
UPCOMING GRIEF WORKSHOPS
Additional Resources
Books on Grief
On Grief and Grieving, by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, David Kessler
Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, by David Kessler
Walking Through The Valley with You (available in English & Chinese), by Ernest Lam (father of Sharon Lam Wang and father-in-law of An-Ti Wang who is on our NBCC staff).
Grief Support Articles
Grieving: Facing Illness, Death, and Other Losses
These Four Things are Getting in the Way of Your Grief
Building shame resilience - notes from Brené Brown’s research findings
The Scientific Underpinnings and Impacts of Shame
Guilt and Grief: coping with the shoulda, woulda, couldas
The Grief of 1 Million COVID Deaths Is Not Going Away
Scriptures for Comfort and Spiritual Reflection
““Lord, remind me how brief my time on earth will be. Remind me that my days are numbered— how fleeting my life is. You have made my life no longer than the width of my hand. My entire lifetime is just a moment to you; at best, each of us is but a breath.”
— Psalms 39:4-5 , NLT
"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me? Why are You so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish? My God, I cry out by day, but You do not answer, by night, but I find no rest."
— Psalms 22:1-2, NIV
Death is the ultimate injustice. It robs us of those we love in the cruelest of ways. Death leaves us full of grief, anger, mental and spiritual confusion, fluctuations of emotions, depression, and unbearable pain. The Christian faith reminds us that the God of creation promises to overturn permanent death once and for all. But until then, we weep and cry, clawing through the pain towards the light. In the lowest part of the valley of loss, we can't always see the morning, but the light is there. Hope does live.
"At noon, darkness fell across the whole land until three o'clock. At about three o'clock, Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?" which means "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?"
— Matthew 27:45-46, NLT
Jesus teaches us to be honest with God but not disengage from God. Struggle, wrestle, scream, and express our anger to God but resist pulling away.
"If your heart is broken, you'll find God right there; if you're kicked in the gut, he'll help you catch your breath."
— Psalms 34:18, MSG
For God:
shares in our anger and pain
weeps with us as we weep
walks with us throughout our grief journey, empowering us to do the unthinkable and bear the unbearable.
The resurrection of Jesus from the dead is at the heart of the Christian faith. This remarkable event, attested to by the writers of the New Testament, teaches and assures us that:
There is LIFE AFTER DEATH!
&
There is LIFE AFTER GREAT LOSS!
These truths are for the one who now grieves. You WILL smile again. You WILL know joy again. It WILL take time, patience, tears, and prayers, but it WILL come. God WILL make it so.
These truths are also for the one who now sleeps in death. The day will come—promises Jesus—when God will speak once and for all, and they who now sleep will awake! In the presence of God's power, death is a reality—but only a temporary reality.
"For we know that when this earthly tent we live in is taken down (that is, when we die and leave this earthly body), we will have a house in heaven, an eternal body made for us by God himself and not by human hands."
— 2 Corinthians 5:1, NLT
"And now, dear brothers and sisters, we want you to know what will happen to the believers who have died so you will not grieve like people who have no hope. For since we believe that Jesus died and was raised to life again, we also believe that when Jesus returns, God will bring back with him the believers who have died."
— 1 Thessalonians 4:13-14, NLT
"Jesus told her, "I am the resurrection and the life. Anyone who believes in Me will live, even after dying. Everyone who lives in Me and believes in Me will never ever die. Do you believe this, Martha?"
— John 11:25-26, NLT
"Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the old heaven and the old earth had disappeared. And the sea was also gone. And I saw the holy city, the new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven like a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. I heard a loud shout from the throne, saying, "Look, God's home is now among his people! He will live with them, and they will be his people. God himself will be with them. He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever."
"And the one sitting on the throne said, "Look, I am making everything new!"
— Revelation 21:1-5a, NLT
"...this Scripture will be fulfilled: "Death is swallowed up in victory."“
— 1 Corinthians 15:54b, NLT
Herein is our HOPE! If we can only BELIEVE!
"Lord I believe, help my unbelief!"
— Mark 9:24, NKJV
Need Prayer or Support?
Let us know how we can pray for you by clicking the button below. We would be happy to call you or add you to our prayer list. All requests are kept confidential within our Prayer and Pastoral Teams.
If you struggling with grief, NBCC’s Stephen Ministers are ready to listen, care, encourage, and provide emotional and spiritual support. A Stephen Minister will meet with you privately—by phone, by video chat, or, if safely possible, in person — to offer care and support. It’s free and completely confidential.
Questions? Email info@nbccbayarea.com